43. Stop Asking for Feedback

Here’s how most feedback sessions typically unfold:

First, they tell you something that you are doing really well.

Second, they tell you something that you could improve, but it’s minor and unimportant.

Third, they tell you another thing that you are doing really well.

This is the sandwich method at its finest (the “bad” comment is hidden in the middle). In these conversations, the feedback recipient learns nothing, but they get a nice pat on the back. The feedback giver escapes the session without offending, and life goes on.

It’s up to you to set the context for these conversations.

Make it clear that you don’t need feedback, you want what’s called constructive criticism. Constructive criticism skips the fluff - the things we’re doing well - and gets straight to what will actually help us in the future.

Also, make it clear that you’re not asking the other party to declare what you are doing wrong. Instead, you’re asking them to help you think through ideas for how to grow, develop, and learn. This takes the pressure off the other party and ensures a candid conversation ensues.